It's not easy. Period.

I think the hardest part of it--for me, obviously--right now is that I'm everyone's cheerleader. Which is fine, but I'm also apparently everyone's (save one; she's still looking out for me, even now) punching bag in the same breath. It's not exactly easy to keep someone's spirits up when they're beating down on yours, even if it's done unintentionally (at times. Sometimes it's intentional, because, well, no one can forgive you better for lashing out than someone who is going through the same thing that is making you lash out at them. I know that only too well from a few years ago...).

They do this for good reason. I get that. I know that. I'm trying really hard not to reciprocate, because I know I can handle this without indulging myself. I'm trying really hard not to redirect back on L. or the kid, inadvertantly, because they deserve better and I'm already worried about shortchanging both of them, as it is. I'm trying really hard not to defuse at work through people's slip-ups, because it's not appropriate and besides, they're probably going through shit of their own (some of which I know about for a fact). Besides, I'm not the one going through the hardest part of this. Not to mention that there are far, far more people in far, far worse situations than me. So I take a bit of extra emotional and mental beating. So what?

I understand all that. It's just...it doesn't make it any easier, that's all.