Sum, ergo cogito

It is true that something good will come out of something bad.

When one of the very, very things few things you truly fear happening comes to pass, and comes to pass much more painfully and horribly that you could have imagined, I think it changes something in you that sets you on an opposite course of some core characteristic you used to have. It's not a matter of whether it's for better or worse; it's just that you're not--you can't--be the same for that one thing that probably got affected the most by that terrible experience.

In my case, it's caring about people.

I do care as fiercely about the very small number of people I love better than myself, probably even more than ever before. That's not my change, though. My change is that I don't care the same way about the others, even those who I loved (or still do).

It's not that I won't get upset if something bad was to happen to someone I know, especially someone I like or even care about on a level of loving. I'm going to still want to do what I can--more reasonably scaled, versus my all out way before--for them. I'm going to be there if asked for, and offer if not (though much less insistently).

But it's a function of my head now instead of my heart. And my head can handle blows better than my heart ever could.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright (cover) - Nick Drake