So this is [still] how it is: fake it through denial for most of the day and make it through crying for part of the night. It's not ideal and I don't know how long it's sustainable, but for now, it is something I suppose. Or not. I don't know.

As for the crying, I've cried myself to wakeful exhaustion, I've cried myself sick, I've cried myself to sleep, I've just cried. Variation, least in this case, isn't doing much to spice up my life.

***

I overheard one of my reports (who I have a friendly acquaintance with, outside of work), in an almost paternally proud way (he is about 23 years older than I am, so I suppose it makes sense) tell my new manager today that I have a mind like a steel trap and a deep sense of loyalty, so it would be doubly good for my manager if he was good to me.

Right this minute, I'd much prefer to be forgetful and heartless.